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9 April 2014

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 April 9, 2014
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I have a confession to make.

At one point in my life, I had no faith. And I don’t mean religious faith. Faith in anything. In others, in the world, and most importantly in myself.

For a while I didn’t believe that I could succeed as a teacher or writer. That it was all too hard, that there were too many people more gifted, or dedicated or special than me.

I feared everything. Stepping out of the box I had put myself in, being honest about my feelings, opening myself up to failure. I had zero faith in the universe, that it would support me, or that I could ever be truly, deeply happy.

I tried to fit myself into other people’s ideas of success. Teach this way. Write this kind of script. I constantly looked around to see which pre-existing “career slots” I could fit into. Because it wasn’t immediately apparent where I belonged, I began to tell myself a story that was so limiting, I stayed stuck for years.

And then something incredible happened. I got to a place where my wheels had been spinning for so long that I had no choice but to step forward into my fear.

Finally, I asked myself the most obvious question. “Well, what is it that you LOVE to do?” Ironically, this wasn’t hard to answer at all, and I knew I had to move toward these things, even though they didn’t fit any predetermined career description.

I also understood that there was no way to conquer my fear. I had to bring it along with me. Like a surly, obnoxious, negative relative. I had to make friends with it, allow it to stand by my side.

I had to embrace it.

Not easy. Let me tell you.

Creating the life you want is hard, and living with your fear is a necessary part of the job. Being a writer is not for sissies. Honestly, I’m terrified most of the time. But I’m living the life I want to live. And I’ve realized it’s all about having faith.

So could you, just for today…

Take take one risk. Write one page that scares you. Make one phone call to get your work out into the world. Commit to starting a project that seems impossible, but when you think about it, fills you with joy?

Step out of your fear of rejection and smile at someone you don’t know. Be willing to fall flat on your face (or ass) and be ok with it?

Write for two hours. With no distractions. Believing that your writing is just as important as your paycheck and doing all the things you’ve used as an excuse for far too long.

Believe that today, you are exactly where you need to be. Even if today sucks.

Could you have faith in the universe? That it supports you, and that even though you may struggle, you will get through it and learn all the lessons you’re meant to learn?

Faith is a tricky thing. I learned that if you don’t have it, you can’t write. It’s too hard. But if you do, the words that appear hold magic

So could you, just for today, have faith in yourself? In your gift? In your words on that page?

Take action. Do one of the things on this list.

See what happens…

xo Pat

 

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